30 things essay

 Loud music bursts out from my roommate’s phone at 7 o’clock, filling the dormant, warm air. I step down the bed, flop down on the chair and wait until the music is off. In front of me, a Spanish textbook is wide opened, filled with scribbles and question marks. Some them I found the answer yet slant pen pointing the front  shows that the still not answered. Beside, I see equations and diagrams running through the scratch papers. The more things I have to think about, the more my desk gets messy. I know I will gather and clean up the floating thoughts hovering above the desk one day, but today I want to simply enjoy the Sunday morning, as a reward of the long, long week.

I wake the roommates up at about 7: 30 and go up the cafeteria, in the highest stairs. As I grab the handle, I feel a strong atmosphere that it is snowing; and the intuition does not fool me. Snow! The lounge is illuminated by the snow all over the hills and buildings. And even more snow is falling decently. Pouring spoonful of seaweed soup in the soup ball, I sat at the table, waiting for the roommates. Then I checked the text message from my dad yesterday.

* * *

Awkward silence filled living room; TV news was only making sound. People gathered around a round table, sitting on the floor. In front of each one of them was a bowl full of sea weed soup. “Ha, the president is going mad again.” My grandfather exclaimed. Father sitting opposite side with a stoned face did not say a single word. It was back when I was 13. “Jiseon, this is your favorite soup. Have some more.” Grandma broke the silence filled my bowl. I looked at the steamy, transparent soup. If people are honest and open to each other, like this seaweed soup, would they every dispute and condemn? My grandparents, who married poor but took three children’s education as the first priority, had always been devoted and caring, especially to children. Their second child, Mother, grew to become one of few female dentists in our hometown and married to another dentist. They were hard-working and accumulated enough money to buy my grandparents a nice, new apartment, near our house. Our relation was close like the rice sticking to each other, yet once in a while, silence came between us, not to be too close.

* * *

After eating the breakfast, I go out. Taking a deep breath, I can feel the refreshing coldness from the atmosphere. The campus building with blue roofs is already covered white, and beyond it I could vaguely see bare field and windmills on the hill. Under the falling snow flakes, I started to walk around the dormitory. Crunch, crunch. As I step forward, the snowflakes under the feet crumble and gather form deep footprints. Walking around the campus, slowly yet steadily, I will return to this first step. Meanwhile the snow will keep covering the prints, yet leaving the faint silhouette.

30 things about me!

30 things about me

1. physics
It is hard to explain why I like physics. Actually, the reason why I started get interested in physics is very simple: it seemed like something between math and science. Since I was both interested in math and science, I applied for physics class in 청주교대영재원(science and math program for gifted in Cheongju educational university). As I study more, I found out that physics actually explains the world around us in a very different perspective from other scientific fields. Now I can only say that I like physics because I cannot find as much fun studying other fields. There are other interesting subjects but they do not motivate me as much as physics does.


2. Cheongju
I'm the only 16th waver from Cheongju in Chungbook province. I was the first student in Geumcheon middle school who entered KMLA. Most of my peers went to a nearby high school, which is only one block away. Sometimes I feel sad when my old friends see me as a peculiar model-student, not a normal "friend". Actually, when we talk to each other in face, they find out that I have hardly changed, after the graduation. Because of me, my Hoobaes started to get interested in KMLA, and I'm looking forward to having more Jicksoks.


3. Family - parents who are dentists
My parents are both dentists, so I have seen many different dentists in my life. Many think that dentists are just people who look inside others' mouths all day long and  earn decent amount of money. However, there are so many different dentists even in small city Cheongju. For instance, my father works as an editor of dentist magazine, and many dentists write articles about their hobbies, such as traveling, baduk, photography, etc. The coolest dentist I know is a Sunbae of my mother, who became a dentist in order to support his career as a poet. He worked as a dentist for five years and quit the job to concentrate on his writing. Now he became quite a famous poet for children.


4. Family - left wing and right wing
Although I spent most of my life in Cheongju, I was actually born in Seoul. When I was born, my parents were working in Seoul after the residency. Since they could not shift the work place right away, I was sent to my grandparents' house and lived there for a year. Even later on, I spent a lot of time in grandparents' house. My grandfather is comparatively liberal in his age, yet he is strictly right-wing. He is a great fan of President Park: he said he wish she become a president since long, long time ago, whenever we watched news together. I was taught that Park Jung Hee is the greatest president in Korean history. However, as I grew up, I became more influenced by my father, who is rather left-wing. He is a member of Nosamo(people who love President Noh). I even went to a candle demonstration against Mr. Noh's Impearchment with my family when I was 9. Right now, I am not either right or left. The most important value to the politicians is, I believe, to keep the rules, yet there are too many corrupted politicians in both sides. I think it is very dangerous to define oneself as a particular side, since it prevents one from being objective and fair.



5. Family - younger brother
I have a younger brother, three years younger than me. He looks very different from me: he is very tall, chubby and has dark skin. He was always good at making things; he helped me a little with my setting for physics experiment. He wants to major in robotics. He is almost an expert of soccer. When I go home, he talks about European cups all day long: I usually listen. Most girls with younger brothers become less close to their brothers as they enter high school, yet I think we find more and more common interest as we grow up.


6. Family - uncle who is engineer
My uncle, Mother's younger brother, is the only one who lives abroad among my relatives. He majored in mechanical engineering in Korea and went to University of Michigan for graduate school. He has changed his work place over and over in order to challenge himself.  He now works in a company in silicon valley.Thanks to his bold adventure in a new world, my parents became open to studying abroad. Also, as he is the only researcher among my relatives, he sometimes gives me useful advice.



7. Terse words..
I don't use much rhetoric or emoticons, simply because I feel very uncomfortable with those expressions. I feel like fooling myself and others when doing so. I think those fancy words are meaningless in a true friendship.


8. Stir-fried sea weed
My favorite side-dish is stir-fried sea weed. Since I was brought up by my grandparents, I often followed my grandmother and had meal with her friends, when I was in kindergarten. They usually went to Korean restaurant and stir-fried sea weed was always on the table, as a side-dish. I remember I only ate that side-dish, since I didn't like other vegetables. Since then, it became my favorite side-dish.


9. Otter
I was nicknamed otter by Haryoung. She and my friends say that I look like an otter. Sadly  I can't swim, even though I look like an otter. Even before I entered KMLA, many people said that I look like some kind of animal.


10. Compromising
I hate fighting, not because I am angelic, but because I don't want to waste time and energy and end up being hurt. In KMLA, In order to live peacefully in KMLA, I had to learn how to compromise with others since everyone here wants to be special. Luckily, I haven't fought with anyone in KMLA.


11. Dogs
I liked animals, especially cute pets, since I was very young. I nagged my mother to buy a puppy all the time. So we bought a puppy Maltese when I was eight, and named her Sasha, which was my English name. We bought another puppy when I was in middle school. Although I cannot meet them often after I entered KMLA, Sasha always warmly welcomes me: the younger one, Hanuel, seems to treat me as a visitor.


12. Animal right movement
Experience of raising dogs naturally led me to get interested in animal rights. Only when I entered high school, I turned that mild interest into action. I became a member of CARE, one of the biggest animal protection groups in Korea, and participated in many activities, from volunteer works to lectures. Then I found out some hidden problems about animal rights in Korea. I found out that I partly contributed to pet industry, in which plenty of dogs suffer from violence, malnutrition and filthiness, by buying pets. I feel very sorry that a naive affection to living creature can be distorted by such lack of information and education.


13. Messy desk
My desk is usually messy, full notes and paper. Whenever I have to remember something or I have a short-term plan, I write it down on an a4 sheet or post-it note. It is very difficult for me to use a diary, like other students, because of my big handwriting. Also, it is hard to make a note any time I want if I use only one diary. When I have to make a long-term schedule, I use my school calender, which is also covered with post-it notes.


14. No religion
I don't have religion, but I'm not an atheist. I don't want to bind myself to a certain religion, because every religion is just a theory that cannot be proven. However, I believe that a religion enables people to be conscientious. I have once attended mass and the preach gave me a strong feeling that any kind of god a physical analogy of one's conscience. By the way, I refused to have bread at the end of the preach, because I wanted to be free from Christianity.


15. Spanish
Spanish class is my favorite humanity class. I like the impassioned atmosphere of the class, endless questions and discussions. It consistently amaze me that how much lessons we can learn from a simple example or a short explanation. This active learning motivated me to investigate deeper and deeper. Although I encountered Spanish language for the first time in KMLA, I can now read books or articles, with some help of dictionary. I hope I can continue to learn Spanish and have a chance to utilize it when I go to college.


16. History
I used to hate history very much before I entered this school, mainly because I didn't like my history teachers. They wanted us to memorize facts and figures, which seemed meaningless to me. My scores were not so bad, since I memorized the whole text book to prepare for mid terms and finals. However, I barely remembered anything from the text book when I graduated, since I did not understand historical contexts. When I was freshman in KMLA, I did not want to take history again. However I chose to take AP World History since last semester, because I liked history teachers in KMLA. I don't think it is rational to choose subjects because of teachers, but it is true that teachers are very influential to students' academic interests. Anyway, I, barely remembering any historical facts, went into a class full of humanity students. The course is indeed difficult but it gives me better insight into human society, which science classes could not provide.


17. Laugh at weird moments
People usually laugh when something funny happens; I laugh when I expect something funny will happen. Whenever I listen to a funny story with others or watch variety shows with my family, I am the first one to laugh and feel awkward in silence. I also sometimes
cannot help laughing at someone is extremely angry or saying cursing words. I sometimes went trouble because of this weird habit, but still I don't know why I chuckle at such serious moments.


18. Brian May!!!

I admire Brian May, the guitar player of Queen. He is not only a legendary guitar player but also an astronomer. He also actively participate in animal rights movement. However, I did not feel so much connection with him before I watched his interview.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBm1Qfpa_nY)
Especially, when he said, "I don't like being a tourist", I instantly felt connection to him. He lived a different life from the rock stars, that we expect to see. He liked adventure but only the adventure with reasons. 

19. KYPT
KYPT has special meanings for me. Firstly, it was when I watched 2009 IYPT finals that I first got interested in KMLA. I could not understand either physics or English, but I was awed by the grand scale of the competition. Secondly, it was first time I've ever participated in a debate contest. It was hard for me to make a good argument, because of my compromising personality, but I learned a lot throughout the competition. Finally, I could learn from students from various high schools. Each team had different strengths and weaknesses, and debating with those team, we could evaluate ourselves from more objective view.

20. Walking in KMLA campus alone

I like walking in campus in weekends. I sometimes walk with friends, but usually I walk alone. I organize my thoughts, look around the trees, and sometimes find a strange animals. 

21. Minjok orchestra
I am cello player in Minjok Orchestra. Honestly, I am not a good cello player. However, I am the most earnest one in my part: I hardly get absent. Often times, I feel too tired to carry the cello all the way to Choongsam or to the gym. In that case, I stop hesitating and just go. When I start to hesitate, I think of more and more reasons why I should not attend the practice. Sometimes it is better not to think and just do something.


22. ve..r...y    s..l...o....w...... speaker
I speak slowly, as all know. This is partly because of my background; people from Choongchungdo speak slowly. Actually, I didn't know that I speak slowly until graduated from middle school. When I first practiced for KYPT, it was almost impossible to finish a speech in time, because I spoke way too slowly. I think I have improved over practice, yet I want people to be more patient about someone slow. Often times, a slow speaker is very thoughtful.


23. Peer tutoring

I have done a lot of peer tutoring in KMLA, either formally or informally. I usually taught physics and math. I personally like MPT very much since it enable me to help other students and check my knowledge at the same time. Especially, when I teach physics, I have to keep on asking myself "why?" in order to be sure about any concept. Without this thought process, I might teach tutees misconceptions, which is very irresponsible thing to do.

24. Snow
I love snow. I like its sound and texture. I still remember the excitement when the morning exercise was cancelled because of snow in some day in April, 2011.

25. I used to sleep and eat regularly
Until I went in to Hyewoomnarae. I used to sleep at least before 12 : 30 every night and woke up at 6. Sometimes it is inevitable to go to bed very late, because of presentation or research paper. I also could not imagine skipping meals. However, I sometimes inevitably skip meals because of the orchestra practice. I feel vacant when I stuff chocopie into my mouth and head to Choongsam, carrying the cello. I used to love chocopie, but I don't want it as my "meal".

26. TED
I started to watch TED in order to practice public speech. Although I applied for Hyewoomnarae, I was afraid of speaking in front of others, especially in English. At first, I typed the script and memorized the script and recited it. However, people kept saying that I looked discouraged and insecure. Therefore, I started to mimic the TED speech again and again. When I watched a speech for the first time, it does not seem so special, but as I replayed it, I could gradually find how the speaker "planned" his or her speech. Although some of the speakers are inherently good at talking, some are internal and quiet. Yet, they develop their own way to empathize their calmness and move others' mind. This training, in deed, helped me to become a better speaker, although I still need more practice for impromptu speech.

27. Water painting
I like painting, although I've never painted in KMLA. When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to be an artist. Many people around me said that I'm talented in drawing. I liked the texture of a watery brush, sweeping the paper. I prefer a clean and transparent water painting to a heavy oil painting. When I heard that art class in KMLA is not a painting and drawing class but a photography class, I transferred to music class. I want to paint again after I graduate.


28. Movies
My favorite Korean director is Park Chan Wook. I was mesmerized by beautiful match of the music, plot and the scenes while I was watching Old Boy. I also like Christopher Nolan for the similar reason. He has his own way to proceed the story. However my favorite movie is Up, an animation made by Pixar. The color of the scenes is wonderful and the plot is moving too. Although many students were not serious about Korean class in junior year, I was happy to see so many great movies and start to get find interest in analyzing the films. I hope I can join film study club in college and freely share good movies with others.


29. ah...
is the most used expression in my text message, facebook chatting, etc. I usually start my word with 'ah..'. Usually it does not have special meaning but sometimes it implies that I am not satisfied, surprised, or relieved. In this paragraph, I used 'ah...' for no good reason.


30. KMLA
KMLA was not my dream school, actually. Yet, I find it very lucky to be here, and I strongly believe KMLA is the right place for me.

Last time I cried

Last time I cried

 I was a little reluctant to post this essay, because, first of all, this is something about KMLA, and some peers are already aware of the event I wrote about. And, secondly, I think I was being very weird at the time when this event happened. Anyway, I want to say that I wrote this essay as honestly as possible though it might seem weird to some of the readers.

 As my acquaintances might guess, I hate crying in front of others; I hate revealing my emotion in public. I usually dealt with challenging and stressful events in KMLA on my own. And in most cases it worked quite well. However, there are things that perseverance does not help such as trouble in personal relationship. Last year, at the end of the first semester, I cried in front of other person for the first and the last time in KMLA, because of such trouble, though now it seems trivial.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  It was during Minjok Festival, the most free day in my junior year. All the stages simply looked fun and excellent to me; until I received a text message from Mom. During the break, I read the message.

   “Jiseon, you got a bronze prize from the academic festival! Congratulations!”

  It was certainly great news. Then I became curious about who won the first place. As soon as I read the list of awardees, I cried out, “Ridiculous, it’s crazy!” The 1st prize was given to four senior students, whom I sincerely respect as Sunbaes, but whose presentation, I thought, was a B.S. All the prizes in physics were given to the seniors, except for me and another member in the physics club. I didn’t want to blame seniors, but I thought that something was wrong about the result. Most students who watched the presentations said works of our club were comparatively well done.

  Nonetheless, I was not bold enough to argue with the teachers. Instead, I dug up the criteria of the academic festival written in 2009 in KMLA Online. The most heavily scored criteria was “creative motive of the research”, which reminded me of a question I was asked. After my presentation, one teacher threw me an unexpected question,

   “According to your paper, you started research when you found the interesting phenomenon ‘accidently’ while cleaning up. Is it true?”

  I had prepared for the questions only about theory and experiment. Honestly, our club members had started the research to practice for a national competition. We chose topics from the national competition of last year. I had never imagined that someone would take that line so seriously. At first I beat around the bush, but later told the truth.

Only after I saw the criteria, I regretted my answer. But I couldn’t still understand that criterion. ‘What’s so important about creativity of the subject? Can it represent one’s ideas and perseverance?’

  A few days later, Mr. Kim, the instructor of the club, mentioned about academic festival. He said there were some mistakes, such as not answering a question honestly. After his comment, he added, “do you have any question?” I raised my hand unlike usual.

   “I think our purpose of research doesn’t fit with school academic festival.”

  He stared at me and said,

   “What do you mean?”

  I explained that we were bound to choose the subjects from the competition of last year, so we could not be so creative about our topic. He frowned and asked again.

   “What do you mean?”

  I repeated the same response. His face turned red.

   “SO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

  He asked me to stand up at the back of the classroom. He asked me if I was trying to say that the teachers were being unfair. I only repeated the same answer. My voice started to tremble. He finally said, “It’s not it. You’re wrong.”

  Wrong. That word somehow stabbed my heart. I wished I could defend myself that I was only telling that we could have been evaluated better if the criteria were focused on the research itself. That I was terribly sorry when my peers were not rewarded, who went through equally difficult moments. But I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to blame others anymore. I was frustrated that he did not try to understand me. I didn’t mean to blame anyone; I only wanted to say that the criteria might have been unfair.

  After the class, the event replayed in my brain all day long. The next morning, I talked about that incident again with my advisor. I planned to make it short, but as I started to talk, I burst into tears. She patiently waited until I found relief. I cannot remember what my advisor said exactly, but I remember that I felt much more comfortable after I cried.

  It did not take too long to realize how shortsighted I was. I overlooked my weaknesses, busy blaming external factors. I could find many errors and flaws in my research paper, after rereading it carefully. And of course, it was possible for me to find the meaning of the research, even if the problem was not new; I shouldn’t have lied in any case. I think I was being unusual and overly sensitive. However, because I expressed my thought boldly in front of the teacher, because I was bitten so hard, I could stop, before the small vanity grew any more, and look back on myself.

TED Review (The Power of Introverts)

KMLA is not a suitable place for introverts?

Every year, the freshmen students take MBTI test, which is one of the most common personality tests of the world. After the test result comes out, the school counselor announces the results in the counseling class. Guess how many people were I(introversion) in my class? Only two, including me. Strangely, the most common personality type of Koreans is ISTJ(introversion, sensing, thinking, and judgement), but the most common type among the 16^th wavers is ENFP, the opposite of ISTJ. Especially, in my class about the half of the students were ENFP. Is this phenomenon a mere accident? Or is there culture more favorable to extroverts?

I believe that this extroverted society was made mainly because of the entrance interviews. Although teachers must have tried to be objective and balanced, the extroverts tend to speak with more ease than the introverts. When an introvert says 8 out of 10, an extrovert says about 12. I myself felt an interview more burdensome than a paper based exam; taking a test, I would have been able to go through and check my responses over and over, but in interview, if I say something there is no way to fix it. If I had not practiced to deny my predilection not to talk a lot, I might not be here now in KMLA.

According to Susan Cain, in America many things are set for people who are extrovert and outgoing. Most schools in the U.S. encourage group works and speaking, but often are ignorant about the individual works. In KMLA, students do have individual works, as much as the group works, so we certainly ‘have opportunity’ to develop our introspections. Nevertheless, students are too busy to use those opportunity properly. Many freshmen and juniors use up their time doing club activities, practicing presentation in group, etc. Time, the essence of introspections, is in dearth in our school. Even the domestic students, though they generally more focus on the individual works, they tend to devote their energy wholly to keep high rankings and GPA. This attitude may be the best strategy for going to be admitted to a top university but is certainly not a favorable phenomenon in a "leadership academy." In fact, “the power of introvert” is realized when introvert people share their ideas with others.

If Korean Minjok Leadership Academy does aim to raise global servant leaders, students have learn how to use their abilities for others. Of course, being active and motivated is the primary step to be a leader. But I wish we all remember that becoming a leader does not mean simply outgoing or academically perfect.

UC Chicago Essay(Option 1)

Essay Option 1.

"A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies." –Oscar Wilde.
Othello and Iago. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. Autobots and Decepticons. History and art are full of heroes and their enemies. Tell us about the relationship between you and your arch-nemesis (either real or imagined).
Inspired by Martin Krzywy, admitted student Class of 2016.


 

People fight against their enemies to defend themselves either physically or mentally. They fight over a power to control their fates. Writing this essay, I am warding off my arch-nemesis, landing silently on my shoulder and whenever I get to start something important. This invisible enemy is “Fear”, fear not to be successful.

It was last semester, in the middle of May. I was standing in front of four peers, and a teacher was sitting in the back of the office. Nothing was peculiar, even that I blundered my presentation. I was to hear a contrite comment that I had heard after every presentation: “I see your effort, but I could not hear you. You looked too embarrassed. Why don’t you have confidence with your work?” I had not answered the last question verbally, but had only thought to myself, “Confidence? I was always confident with my work, but the only problem is that no one catches that emotion.” Finally the teacher opened his mouth, however, with unexpected inquiry: “Why, do you think, do you give a presentation to us?” Why had I spoken in front of others? After all, I had always blamed my tone and the insensibility of the teachers and returned to individual works, which had generally had an acceptable quality, sometimes even been excellent. Why should I preconclude a public speech is an embarrassing moment that shall pass? Why not try to break this enduring pain?

While I was in this chain of thought, the class was finished. Fear was now banishing with the bell.

I wanted to be perfect. But whenever I try my best, I would hear Fear slicking through the window, tiptoeing toward me, and landing on my shoulder. Every motion of Fear would amplify and confuse me. It was all because of Fear. I really wanted to be perfect. At least I hoped for the best in the real presentation on the next day.

Not to be distracted from the presentation, I could expect two scenarios: I would concentrate on the presentation, ignoring Fear, or practice presentation until I could recite it automatically. A strong-willed human or a cold machine? What would I choose?

I decided to be a machine, unsatisfyingly. Hey, life is not a drama. No one can change one’s persona in a day. I wanted something real and certain. The days and nights I spent for the research and the presentation were real. They deserved rewards.

That night I repeated the presentation in front of the mirror in the bathroom, over and over. First, I read the script I wrote over and over. Then, I could recite the script without looking at it. Finally, I looked in the mirror, and checked my tone and posture. There, in the mirror, Fear was staring at me, hopping and running around. After several times, my tongue and my neck were moving by themselves. I was still greatly annoyed; nonetheless, it was impossible to stop my voice. In the mirror, there wasn’t me, but only Fear.

“You cannot defeat me from now on; because, there is no one to defeat.”

The lonely enemy trudged away. My effort was finally rewarded in the next morning. Yet, as soon as I came back to my room, I could clearly see the enemy hanging on my shoulder.

 

Essay with 996 characters!(Abandoning pets)

People may not abandon their pets. What is justice? Why can’t one kill or deceive others? Justice is to respect other people’s right. Yet, pets are not people. Pets are movable goods, belonged to legal owners. Since pets are physical properties, nothing can be wrong about abandoning one’s pet.

Many people feel guilty about deserting pets, but this sentiment is myopic. Imagine a family which can no longer raise a dog, for it moves to an apartment abandoning pets. It would be nice if the family gives the dog to someone else, but it may be impossible; most only want puppies. Then, leaving the dog on a street is the most effective and convenient way to find a new owner. If it is sent to an animal shelter or hospital right away, it must be killed if it is not adopted. But if it is left on a street, it can be either found by a kind, new owner or brought to an animal shelter after a few days. It might be killed by accident, yet it can be exposed to many people and live as long as possible.

Ben X review

Imagine a boy in front of flashing computer screen, clicking busily the mouse. Is he wasting his time alone or is he enjoying his free time, like typical teenagers? If a Korean is asked of this question, he or she must show negative impression of the boy. In fact, a computer game can be a useful tool to release someone’s stress outside a real world. However, we, Koreans are very eager to say that a computer game is lame and unproductive, in any cases. This prejudice might be the brocade that prevented me from understanding “Ben X” at the first time.

In Korea, most students experience excitement and joy of playing an online game. More and more games permeate to people lives through personal electronic devices. However, despite this general trend, people are acquainted with more gloomy and dark sides of online games. We often see the article that associate a criminal and addiction to violent games.

Ben is one who builds his haven in an imaginary world. We cannot judge whether his way of solving his problem is good or bad, yet it seems realistic. Although the adults around him try to understand him, the adults fail to encourage him to speak up. They overlook his difference, saying that Ben is academically okay, and even excellent. Later on as Ben gets trapped in more and more problems, they preclude that the exotic boy is extremely self-centered and not willing to communicate with others. In fact, Ben needs others’ help to escape from abysmal isolation. “He is way too slower than everyone else.”

 

In contrary, when Ben enters in the online, he becomes capable of controlling his appearance and pace. He can log in and out whenever he wants to. He is a muscular hero with level 80. Most importantly, there is a girl who waits for him and listens to him.

According to IMDb, Ben X is often pronounced “Bennicks”, which means “I am nothing” in Dutch. Ben pacifies himself when he logs in as Ben X, but he had to mend the discrepancy between his identity in the real world and in the cyber world in order to find his true identity. Moreover, as the movie goes on the watertight boundary between the two distant worlds starts to break away: the girl in the game tries to meet Ben in offline, and the bullies upload the video of Ben being taken off his pants. Ben compromises the two identities harmoniously, if not idealistically. He merges the image of his only supporter to the real world. With a help of his girlfriend, though she is only a false image, he is empowered to keep on living and share his feelings with others.

Realizing that Scarlite was not a real person, a movie “Beautiful Mind” came to my mind. “Beautiful mind” also deals with hallucinations, but in contrast with Ben X, the protagonist strives to escape from the hallucination. At last, he chooses to live along with the false image not to depend on medication. Though his psychological disease is incurable, he eventually finds his way not to be perturbed by the handicap. I think “Ben X” gives us similar solution for autism. Not every problem can be solved perfectly. In such cases, we have to find a way to live along with it.